Divorce/Family & Blending

When a family system does not seem to be working or fitting the "fairy tale" ending everyone dreams of, divorce often occurs. However, divorce does not happen as often as everyone believes. There was a boom of divorces in the 70's due to "no fault" divorce but since then the numbers have decreased and continue to do so. After divorce, some individuals choose to remarry. Remarriage is thought to bring happiness and fix all the problems and stress of before. When joining two families though there are often some complexities that are often overlooked. New couples that believe life will be easy when blending their families together are need to remember these facts:
1) It takes 2+ years for "normalcy" in a blended family. Many times the couple gets discouraged when making yours and mine into ours isn't as quick or smooth as expected. It does happen though through a lot of time and patience. My advice- hang in there! Work with your spouse, know that it's not going to be perfect and do your best to bring everyone together. Don't force it though!
2) The birth parent should enforce heavy discipline to the children. This will result in less stress and pressure in the home. When the new parent tries to heavily discipline children the child will question their authority and the spouse will become protective of the child. It's just simpler if parents decide on a punishment together and then the birth parent enforces it.
3) The parent coming in should take on an "aunt/ uncle" role at first. They should listen, spend time with the children, show interest in their lives and support their spouse. This will show the children that the new parent loves them and their mom/dad and are not trying to replace anyone but be a new addition to the family

Blending families can be hard and is taxing on a relationship and family. It can be done just pray for strength, work with your spouse and realize that it won't always be perfect but it WILL be worth it.

Parenting Techniques

"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained." -Winston Churchill

The virtues in the quote above refer to the the children in our homes, as they are blessing to our lives, as well as the qualities and content that we teach our children. As parents it is our "duty to rear.. children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World.) Having children is no easy task but it is so rewarding!

When it comes to correct parenting many wonder how, what, where and when to it. It can be scary because we are responsible for them! Below are some suggestions for good parenting techniques:

Parenting Techniques:
* Teach children courage, cooperation, responsibility & respect
* Offer contact freely
* Meet the need of a situation instead of changing behavior
* Teach children to contribute
* Give choices and consequences instead of controlling them
* Tell them you love them A LOT
* Teach and apply forgiveness

Staying Home

I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom but yet at the same time had some concerns. Do you relate? My biggest concerns pertain to not continuing to grow and being stuck inside all the time. I'm a social girl, I like to get out and do fun things and learn! This week I read an article by Dennis Prager called, "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?" This article was soo interesting and brought light and comfort to my concerns. One of the most intriguing parts of the article was when Prager stated, "the intellectual input she [a stay at home mom] can find is likely to be greater than most women (or men) find working outside the home." At first reading this statement I wondered how that could be true but his support made sense and was solid evidence that broadening intellectual horizons is not limited to the work force. Mothers at home listen to the radio and have to actively engage and make an effort to learn and more often then not, you learn more when you desire it. Plus, stay at home moms are around all sorts of knowledge every day as they listen to the news and radio and engage in their children's and husbands lives. How do you feel about woman staying at home? Does Prager change your opinion on the worth of staying home?

If you would like to read Dennis Prager's article visit: Mind for a Mop

Communication & Relationships

"We want to communicate not just so clearly that we are understood but so clearly that we cannot be misunderstood." - Harold B. Lee

I loved this quote by Harold B. Lee concerning communication. Communication is of key importance in our every day lives and especially in our relationships with those we love. Listening and speaking and expressing our thoughts and feelings are how we connect with others and feel that sense of love and understanding. There is no direct way to communicate thoughts and feelings but we share these thoughts and feelings through verbal communication, time spent, listening, touch and affection. Generally speaking communication is done with words at 14%, tone at 35% and non-verbal communication at 51%.

What kind of communication do you prefer? How do you communicate best with others? For a fun activity to see what your love language is take a quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

The Answer is Yes!

Looking at the family down the street they look perfect- everyone is getting along, there is no contention and they always seem to be happy! It's obvious to say though that not every moment in life is pleasant, even if it appears that way. Each day is a roller coaster of experiences and tests of patience, kindness, worth etc. especially in a family. Sometimes the moments are great though and truly bring your family closer together- an afternoon at the park, a movie and popcorn, a new baby being born, etc. Is it possible for the hard, trying, testing moments to bring you closer together as well? The answer- YES. It all depends on how you and your family respond to the crisis. Between a system of the actual event, the resources and reactions, and the perspective on the situation the overall experience of the event can have positive or negative effects on the family. It's important to realize how your family copes with crisis and when crisis arises to focus on it being a bonding experience rather than a destroyer of the home. No family is perfect and although crisis in the home is hard the answer is YES! It can bring you together. :)

One of my favorite quotes pertaining to family and how they work on unity is this:
"In our home we do second chances, we do thank yous, we do real, we do I'm sorry, we do love, we do laughter, we do mistakes, we do respect, we do happiness, we do dreams, we do faith, we do family."

Children and Sex Education

How do you plan to educate your children regarding sexuality? Is it a topic you wish to teach within your home? Or one that should be learned at school?

In New York City, there is a new sex ed curriculum that begins in middle school which covers more than most children at age 12 would generally learn. Students will cover everything from french kissing to oral sex. The purpose of this program is to educate children on sexual activity so if they chose to engage in it, it will be done in a "healthy" way. The classes will be coeducational and mandatory. How do you feel about this?

Many believe this is what happens when the state takes over parenting. Families and parents have different views on how to educate children concerning the birds and the bees and often they want to be the ones to talk to their children concerning procreation so their children are in a safe environment and the amount of information being learned can be monitored. How far is too far? When do we draw the line on involvement of school systems?

For more information on Mandatory Sex Ed in NYC visit: http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/mandatory-sex-ed-curriculum-new-york-city-public-schools-132404248.html?dr

Marriage Relations

Thinking back to your past relationships, what was different about each? He was too lazy, she talked to much, he was into himself, she was too clingy.. the question probably crossed your mind: when will you find someone who fits you?? Through time and experiences, at last you find that perfect person for you. Yay!! Now on to marriage, right?

There are four steps to finding a companion: dating, courtship, engagement and marriage. Following these steps sets the foundation for a healthy husband/ wife relationship and influences the success of marriage.The dating stage is to find qualities in others that you like and the courtship stage is when you and your significant other decide to be exclusive and focus on getting to know each other on a deeper level. Engagement is a time to plan for the wedding and marriage. (Note: These are two different things.) Finally marriage is devoting yourself to someone and adjusting your life to be with that person forever. Marrying the person of your dreams can seem incredible at first which, it is! But it takes effort on both the husband and wife's part to maintain that level of happiness and love. Marriage isn't easy but it is worth it!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes that spouses and families can be together forever through Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness. Members of the LDS church live worthy lives, refraining from sexual intimacy and cohabitation, with high standards so that they can enter the Lords house (the temple) and be sealed to their spouse for time and all eternity. Marriage in the LDS church is forever. For more information please visit www.lds.org

What is Love?

There. Right over there next to the counter at the party is the man of your dreams. Tall, dark, handsome, mysterious, friendly, killer smile, muscular- simple perfect. The next thing you know he walks up to you and sparks a conversation. You laugh and talk for hours and before you know it the party is over. Neither of you want to say good-bye so you plan to see each other tomorrow. You feel unlike you have ever felt before. Could this really be love, so soon?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints defines love as, "a feeling of deep devotion, concern, and affection." There are many different forms of love and ideas of love that creating a universal standard is near impossible. There is a general idea of love among many but is it realistic? Studies show that there are four main types of love. These types are classified as agape which is a general love, philios which is a non-romantic love (a brotherly love), eros which is a passionate love and storge which is a parent-child love. My definition of love includes all four of these types plus more. I feel that love is more than a feeling, it is an ability. I have a different love for my friends, my family and my future spouse and each is unique and special to their relationship with me. Describing love can be difficult. What is your definition of love?

Celestial Calling & Characteristics

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

Both males and females have a divine role and purpose in compliance with their gender. Women are naturally nurtures and have the role to care for children. Men are to preside, provide and protect their families. We are the gender we are with the divine role we have yesterday, today and tomorrow. We have always been either male or female and always will be. Sometimes some people are tempted and have thoughts or feelings that go against their divine role- specifically gay or lesbian attractions. While those thoughts and feelings can be real, there is a choice to act on them. There is no DNA coding that makes someone that way and while it may seem easier, in the long run it is not. There is a choice- always a choice! Dallin H. Oaks said, “The distinction between feelings or inclinations on the one hand, and behavior on the other hand, is very clear. It’s no sin to have inclinations that if yielded to would produce behavior that would be a transgression. The sin is in yielding to temptation.” It's important to know who we are and to fulfill our divine purpose and role.

We are sons and daughters of a caring Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to live with Him again. He knows each of us by name and wants us to be happy. By fulfilling our gender roles and understanding who we are, we can achieve eternal life and have a joyful life filled with blessings and love. I know my purpose and I live to fulfill it every day because it is so special and clear to me. Do you know your purpose and role?

For more information on The Family: A Proclamation to the World, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and/ or The Plan of Happiness visit: http://www.lds.org/?lang=eng 

Family is Everything

So I know that it is not Thanksgiving quite yet- in fact it's not even Halloween- but this week I have become extremely grateful for the family I have. Learning about different family types this week and the effect it has on children and the family has really opened my eyes and made me realize that I should never take my family for granted. I have the ideas and life I have because of my family. I feel so blessed!

Our world is built of different family types pertaining to ethnicity, social class, beliefs, functionality, etc. These different components have many influential impacts on the family, family relationships and how the family functions. Children are brought into the world every day and each is a new addition to a specific kind of family- some of which have harder family situations than others. Social class has a large influence on the family and how smoothly it functions- an unavoidable fact that affects everyone that is living. While this is true and being in a specific social class is often inevitable I also feel that life is what we make it! Family is important. Our families are where we learn and grow and become the individuals that we are. Although our social standing may not be where we want it we shouldn't let that have significant influences on family relationships and attitudes. Is it intriguing to anyone else how much influence social class or social standing can impact the family?

Also, presidential elections are coming up. While I am keeping my opinion on who is best to be the president I thought you may enjoy the following quote:

"America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home." - Mitt Romney

Unspoken Family Rules

Every home and family has rules. Clean your room before you can go to a friends house and play, make your bed and do your chores are a few examples. Many of these rules are displayed on the fridge or in an area of the home that everyone can see them and be reminded of what is expected. But what about those rules that are unseen and unspoken? This is kind of a hard topic to grasp since the unspoken rules are generally simply accepted and not questioned. However, they are important rules and its important to realize what they are because many times they effect how the family functions.

Looking at my own family/ extended family/ other families at the store and in the neighborhood I noticed some of the unspoken rules to be that you don't talk back to mom no matter what, hugging both parents before bed is part of being tucked in, children are supposed to listen the first time a parent asks them to do something and acting out is the quickest way to receive attention. Not all unspoken rules are positive but each has an impact on the family and how the family functions.

What are some of the unspoken family rules in your home?

Decisions.. Decisions!!

You wake up in the morning and are faced with many decisions. Some are simple such as: what should I eat for breakfast? What should I wear? Others are more complex: Where should I apply for a job so I can support my family? Where am I going to get food to feed my children? All of these questions have their own significance and importance. However, have you ever considered the question "how many children should I have?" Do you believe this question is not only life altering but also world changing?

Believe it or not, it is both. This is a very complex question with many opposing viewpoints and ideas. On a world changing view, some believe that the world is becoming over populated and that birthrate needs to slow down otherwise we will not have the means to support each individual life. Others believe that birth rates are dropping quickly and although life expectancy is longer than it has ever been, the average household is having less and less children, if any at all, which is going to decrease our world population in future years to the point of struggle and financial burden. In fact, fertility rates have been dropping for some time and they continue to drop. There are many factors to fertility rate and the outcomes of it decreasing. Deciding to have children is a big decision- probably one of the biggest a man and woman can make.

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Our church views having children as important and a necessity in our lives. It is our responsibility to bring children into the world and care for them and nurture them in a way that will help the reach their potential and live with our loving Heavenly Father again someday. Deciding to have children/ the number of children a couple has is between them and the Lord so judgements should not be made. But when thinking about our responsibility to create eternal families that will live together forever, children are essential and it is part of our duty to bring them into this world.

Life is full of decisions. The topic of fertility rates decreasing and whether it is good or bad is deep and complex but without a doubt choosing to have children is a serious decision that should be handled with care. What are your thoughts and opinions on birthrate/ fertility?

Want to Learn More?
For more information on Infertility view the video A Demographic Winter:
Part One: The Demographic Winter
Part Two: The Demographic Winter
For more information on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints visit:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Do you like what you see on this blog?? At the bottom of the page there is a list of other blogs similar to mine which also pertain to family relations. Check them out!