When a family system does not seem to be working or fitting the "fairy tale" ending everyone dreams of, divorce often occurs. However, divorce does not happen as often as everyone believes. There was a boom of divorces in the 70's due to "no fault" divorce but since then the numbers have decreased and continue to do so. After divorce, some individuals choose to remarry. Remarriage is thought to bring happiness and fix all the problems and stress of before. When joining two families though there are often some complexities that are often overlooked. New couples that believe life will be easy when blending their families together are need to remember these facts:
1) It takes 2+ years for "normalcy" in a blended family. Many times the couple gets discouraged when making yours and mine into ours isn't as quick or smooth as expected. It does happen though through a lot of time and patience. My advice- hang in there! Work with your spouse, know that it's not going to be perfect and do your best to bring everyone together. Don't force it though!
2) The birth parent should enforce heavy discipline to the children. This will result in less stress and pressure in the home. When the new parent tries to heavily discipline children the child will question their authority and the spouse will become protective of the child. It's just simpler if parents decide on a punishment together and then the birth parent enforces it.
3) The parent coming in should take on an "aunt/ uncle" role at first. They should listen, spend time with the children, show interest in their lives and support their spouse. This will show the children that the new parent loves them and their mom/dad and are not trying to replace anyone but be a new addition to the family
Blending families can be hard and is taxing on a relationship and family. It can be done just pray for strength, work with your spouse and realize that it won't always be perfect but it WILL be worth it.
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