Divorce/Family & Blending

When a family system does not seem to be working or fitting the "fairy tale" ending everyone dreams of, divorce often occurs. However, divorce does not happen as often as everyone believes. There was a boom of divorces in the 70's due to "no fault" divorce but since then the numbers have decreased and continue to do so. After divorce, some individuals choose to remarry. Remarriage is thought to bring happiness and fix all the problems and stress of before. When joining two families though there are often some complexities that are often overlooked. New couples that believe life will be easy when blending their families together are need to remember these facts:
1) It takes 2+ years for "normalcy" in a blended family. Many times the couple gets discouraged when making yours and mine into ours isn't as quick or smooth as expected. It does happen though through a lot of time and patience. My advice- hang in there! Work with your spouse, know that it's not going to be perfect and do your best to bring everyone together. Don't force it though!
2) The birth parent should enforce heavy discipline to the children. This will result in less stress and pressure in the home. When the new parent tries to heavily discipline children the child will question their authority and the spouse will become protective of the child. It's just simpler if parents decide on a punishment together and then the birth parent enforces it.
3) The parent coming in should take on an "aunt/ uncle" role at first. They should listen, spend time with the children, show interest in their lives and support their spouse. This will show the children that the new parent loves them and their mom/dad and are not trying to replace anyone but be a new addition to the family

Blending families can be hard and is taxing on a relationship and family. It can be done just pray for strength, work with your spouse and realize that it won't always be perfect but it WILL be worth it.

Parenting Techniques

"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained." -Winston Churchill

The virtues in the quote above refer to the the children in our homes, as they are blessing to our lives, as well as the qualities and content that we teach our children. As parents it is our "duty to rear.. children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World.) Having children is no easy task but it is so rewarding!

When it comes to correct parenting many wonder how, what, where and when to it. It can be scary because we are responsible for them! Below are some suggestions for good parenting techniques:

Parenting Techniques:
* Teach children courage, cooperation, responsibility & respect
* Offer contact freely
* Meet the need of a situation instead of changing behavior
* Teach children to contribute
* Give choices and consequences instead of controlling them
* Tell them you love them A LOT
* Teach and apply forgiveness

Staying Home

I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom but yet at the same time had some concerns. Do you relate? My biggest concerns pertain to not continuing to grow and being stuck inside all the time. I'm a social girl, I like to get out and do fun things and learn! This week I read an article by Dennis Prager called, "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?" This article was soo interesting and brought light and comfort to my concerns. One of the most intriguing parts of the article was when Prager stated, "the intellectual input she [a stay at home mom] can find is likely to be greater than most women (or men) find working outside the home." At first reading this statement I wondered how that could be true but his support made sense and was solid evidence that broadening intellectual horizons is not limited to the work force. Mothers at home listen to the radio and have to actively engage and make an effort to learn and more often then not, you learn more when you desire it. Plus, stay at home moms are around all sorts of knowledge every day as they listen to the news and radio and engage in their children's and husbands lives. How do you feel about woman staying at home? Does Prager change your opinion on the worth of staying home?

If you would like to read Dennis Prager's article visit: Mind for a Mop

Communication & Relationships

"We want to communicate not just so clearly that we are understood but so clearly that we cannot be misunderstood." - Harold B. Lee

I loved this quote by Harold B. Lee concerning communication. Communication is of key importance in our every day lives and especially in our relationships with those we love. Listening and speaking and expressing our thoughts and feelings are how we connect with others and feel that sense of love and understanding. There is no direct way to communicate thoughts and feelings but we share these thoughts and feelings through verbal communication, time spent, listening, touch and affection. Generally speaking communication is done with words at 14%, tone at 35% and non-verbal communication at 51%.

What kind of communication do you prefer? How do you communicate best with others? For a fun activity to see what your love language is take a quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

The Answer is Yes!

Looking at the family down the street they look perfect- everyone is getting along, there is no contention and they always seem to be happy! It's obvious to say though that not every moment in life is pleasant, even if it appears that way. Each day is a roller coaster of experiences and tests of patience, kindness, worth etc. especially in a family. Sometimes the moments are great though and truly bring your family closer together- an afternoon at the park, a movie and popcorn, a new baby being born, etc. Is it possible for the hard, trying, testing moments to bring you closer together as well? The answer- YES. It all depends on how you and your family respond to the crisis. Between a system of the actual event, the resources and reactions, and the perspective on the situation the overall experience of the event can have positive or negative effects on the family. It's important to realize how your family copes with crisis and when crisis arises to focus on it being a bonding experience rather than a destroyer of the home. No family is perfect and although crisis in the home is hard the answer is YES! It can bring you together. :)

One of my favorite quotes pertaining to family and how they work on unity is this:
"In our home we do second chances, we do thank yous, we do real, we do I'm sorry, we do love, we do laughter, we do mistakes, we do respect, we do happiness, we do dreams, we do faith, we do family."

Children and Sex Education

How do you plan to educate your children regarding sexuality? Is it a topic you wish to teach within your home? Or one that should be learned at school?

In New York City, there is a new sex ed curriculum that begins in middle school which covers more than most children at age 12 would generally learn. Students will cover everything from french kissing to oral sex. The purpose of this program is to educate children on sexual activity so if they chose to engage in it, it will be done in a "healthy" way. The classes will be coeducational and mandatory. How do you feel about this?

Many believe this is what happens when the state takes over parenting. Families and parents have different views on how to educate children concerning the birds and the bees and often they want to be the ones to talk to their children concerning procreation so their children are in a safe environment and the amount of information being learned can be monitored. How far is too far? When do we draw the line on involvement of school systems?

For more information on Mandatory Sex Ed in NYC visit: http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/mandatory-sex-ed-curriculum-new-york-city-public-schools-132404248.html?dr

Marriage Relations

Thinking back to your past relationships, what was different about each? He was too lazy, she talked to much, he was into himself, she was too clingy.. the question probably crossed your mind: when will you find someone who fits you?? Through time and experiences, at last you find that perfect person for you. Yay!! Now on to marriage, right?

There are four steps to finding a companion: dating, courtship, engagement and marriage. Following these steps sets the foundation for a healthy husband/ wife relationship and influences the success of marriage.The dating stage is to find qualities in others that you like and the courtship stage is when you and your significant other decide to be exclusive and focus on getting to know each other on a deeper level. Engagement is a time to plan for the wedding and marriage. (Note: These are two different things.) Finally marriage is devoting yourself to someone and adjusting your life to be with that person forever. Marrying the person of your dreams can seem incredible at first which, it is! But it takes effort on both the husband and wife's part to maintain that level of happiness and love. Marriage isn't easy but it is worth it!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes that spouses and families can be together forever through Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness. Members of the LDS church live worthy lives, refraining from sexual intimacy and cohabitation, with high standards so that they can enter the Lords house (the temple) and be sealed to their spouse for time and all eternity. Marriage in the LDS church is forever. For more information please visit www.lds.org